They're just words

I put a lot of stock in words.  I choose my words carefully.  I collect words so that I will have just the right one when the need arises.  So, recently, I have found the increased use of words in the house both exciting and frustrating.  In the past few weeks our boys have begun to travel the slippery slope of word play in very different ways.

Beringer has turned the vocabulary corner that is my favorite in the development of language.  I love this age of 18 - 30 months when everything is exciting, and words tumble out of their little mouths faster than you can record them.  They repeat everything you say with glee and begin to make their thoughts known.  Beringer has been spouting new words everyday – one morning cheerily chirping, "Mo-NIIING!" and the next responding to a, "thank you" with "weh-o-cum."  It's the best.

Urban, on the other hand, is stumbling into a territory I had hoped we would avoid.  It's linguistic mud, and I detest it.  This is a kid whose vocabulary rivals most 2nd graders I've met (and probably some adults.)  All of a sudden, the only words I hear are these aggressive shouts of "You (insert any word)-head!"  "BUTT!"  "EYEBALLS!"  And EVERYTHING is "DUMB!!"  In the grand scheme of things these words do not seem overtly offensive.  Part of it is the tone with which they're uttered.  Part of it is the incessant repetition.  I'm telling you, even the most patient of parents will snap after a 20 minute chorus of "dumbbutt, dumbhead, butthead, dumb eyeballs in your butthead!"

So, what do we do?  We talk.  We talk and talk and talk.  We talk about how our words shape other peoples' perceptions of us.  How the words we choose can show people we are intelligent, sweet and helpful or aggressive, mean and bullying.  We ask Urban, "What do the words you're choosing say about you?"  (Generally the response we receive is either a growl or a shriek.  Which in some ways is appropriate.)

We have started to use cool-off time.  Now, whenever he uses aggressive talk – yes, that's what we call it.  What else should we call it?  It's not like he's swearing.  They aren't 'bad' words. – he is sent to his room.  We walk him up there and tell him he needs to sit in his room and cool off.  He can come out when he is ready to use nice words and talk like the sweet, intelligent boy that he is.  Some nights, he spends more time in his room than with us.

So, where is all this coming from?  A boy at school.  It figures, doesn't it?  This is the first time in Urban's life, though likely not the last, that he is being bullied.  I have witnessed the aggressive tone and physicality of this other boy.  The teachers and I have discussed it.  We've talked to the other boy and to Urban.  So, what else are we supposed to do?

And on the days that Urban has a hard time at school, he gives us an even harder time at home.  He clearly wants attention, but is trying to get it with aggression.  Then, when he gets his time out or a reprimand, he is doubly hurt, because he doesn't want more aggression.  He wants attention.

So, I have been trying to give him more focused Mommy/Urban time.  More hugs.  More goofing around.  More focused story time.  And every time he acts out, I say, "Urban, did you want to get in trouble or did you just want some attention."  He will crawl over into my lap and lay his head on my shoulder.  I say, "you can always come and cuddle Mama.  I will always stop what I'm doing to hug you and listen to you.  I always have time for you."

Then it's better for a while.  But bad habits are hard to break.  They are just too easy.  I just hope this one gets out of his system quickly.  I'd much rather listen to stories than butt-talk.  And, frankly, I am acquiring a chronic word-induced headache.