What happened to my body?

It's a lament uttered inwardly (and outwardly) by mothers world-wide.  But, today I'm not talking about the "body" you might think.  I have come to accept that the "body" that was once wrapped in unique finds dug up in boutiques from coast to coast is now swathed in pieces cobbled together from Target and Goodwill.  I embrace (as much as I can) the new bulgy bits and that part right above my c-section scar that still has no feeling.  No, today I'm talking about a whole different kind of body that was also wrecked by the scourge of hormones - my hair.

I have always been a loud and proud "curly girl."  Inherited from my Dad, I have sported ringlets both short and long since my hair grew in at age 2 1/2.  I am not saying I haven't struggled with my hair identity.  I went through periods growing up when I would do anything to get my hair straight, only to walk outside and turn into an ill-groomed poodle.  But it was the day in middle school when I convinced my mom to take me to a hairdresser to get a spiral perm (stop laughing) that changed my life forever.  He wet my hair, scrunched it with his fingers, said "Don't touch it." and then charged us $15.  Voila!  A spiral "perm".

My pre-baby curls:

Then, one day I found out I was pregnant.  I thought, yay!  My hair will grow super fast!  It will be awesome and thick and lustrous.  But, it turned bad almost immediately with a large swath of my hair right in the "mohawk zone" going almost stick straight and the rest staying curly.  Hot.  So, I marched in to see my trusted stylist, Alyson, and said, "Cut it off."

The Short Cut - 'Cash Money':

Now, I have to take a brief aside here, Alyson Boarman is a genius when it comes to cutting, coloring and styling curly hair.  We have been together for 8 years now, and I wouldn't think about seeing anyone else.  Ever.  If ever you are in Minneapolis and need a great style, call the Uptown Hair District and ask for Aly.

Anyway, after I had Urban, I decided to start trying to grow it out again.  I wasn't sure what would happen, but it all seemed to come back exactly how it was before.  Score!  So, for a few years, I just let it grow.

The grow out years:

Then I became pregnant with Beringer.  This time, I did end up with that fast-growing, thick, lustrous hair I imagined...  But nothing could prepare me for the hair disaster that occured when I stopped breast feeding.  It.  Fell.  Out.

Yep.  About HALF of it, I would estimate.  In huge, nasty clumps.  Really?  First my figure and now my hair?  I am defined by my hair!  I am "the girl with the hair!"  (I was actually know as that by the VP of a major big box retailer who I worked for for 5 years.)  I can't lose my hair!  Deep breaths.  It didn't all fall out completely - thank god.  But a lot of it did.

Aly comforted me and trimmed it without taking away all the length, colored it so that the re-growth would blend flawlessly, and told me to be patient and wait.  It's been about a year now, and my hair is growing back.  It's about 6" long or so at this point - the new growth, that is.  But here's the kicker – it's not growing back the way it was.  I used to have these big looping ringlets that were easily straightened and bent to my liking.  They were probably about an inch to an inch-and-a-half in diameter. They were messy and I liked them.

The new hair?  The new hair looks like it was wound around a pencil!  The longer my new hair grows, the shorter it looks.  When my hair is wet it's past my shoulders.  Dry, it's about to my chin!  And body?  Holy crap!  I have always joked that my hair grows "out" not "down", but this is ridiculous!  The hair on top is growing straight up!  Well, I guess I shouldn't say, "straight" about anything pertaining to my fancy new locks, but UP it grows!

The new-age curl:

So, friends, it wasn't just my butt that got fat.  My hair got fat too!  And now I am struggling to find my new hair identity.  I'm scouring websites trying to come to terms with this entirely new texture that my hair has embraced.  How do I style it?  How do I tame it?  And, most importantly, how do I get the old curls to blend with the new?  Right now, when I get out of the shower I look a bit like a jelly fish - all puffy on top and scraggly on the bottom.  Alyson!  September 10th will not come soon enough!  I can't wait to see the magic you are able to conjure to make this heap look passable.  But, I have faith that you will.  You are a master.

And until then...  Many, many pony tails and braids.

Hazel, Brown & Blue Photography

Well, Cami did it again.  Awesome pictures of my little fireballs.  I'm amazed she captured anything from the way they were tearing around, but the sneak peek is beautiful.  Check out the images here.

The B word

OK, I know I'm not the only lady out there that has a major problem with the B-word.  It gets bandies about like it's no big deal, has no major significance.  You hear it everywhere nowadays.  And, I tell you, when it escapes my husband's lips there is palpable tension in the room.  I can't help it.  It's visceral.  Obviously, I'm talking about the word, Budget.

It's something that I have personally struggled with my entire adult life, and something the Brett and I have fretted over for years.  It's hard!  Especially when you understand my physical aversion to anything math related.  I literally break out in hives.  It's not that I have issues watching my spending, I get it, but the constant monitoring, tracking and MATH!  Is what kills me.

You know, it's hard enough to build and maintain a budget as a single person, then you add a second person and open a joint account.  There's money going in, and you know how much.  There's money going out, and that gets a little muddier.  When there are two hands dipping in the community pot to buy groceries and toothpaste and coffee, it's really hard to keep track.  Or maybe it's just me...

Anyway, now we have upped the ante and there are three people in the family finances.  It's insane.  So there was a round table, and a talk of concrete numbers, and lots and lots of math.  And now we emerge on the other end with a clear picture of what comes in and what goes out, as well as the realization that there is A LOT going out.

Cue the cold sweats.

But, we have to understand where the money goes in order to control where it ends up, right?  So, we have enlisted the help on an online service called Budget Simple.  It does not require master-level Xcel skills, nor does it make me feel like a 1st grader trying to tackle Algebra II.  It lives up to its name.  It's simple.  Brett and I sat down and recorded all of our incoming funds and our proposed expenditures, and the rest is just logging on periodically and recording our actual spending.  It's exactly what we need.  Both Brett and I can access it and record all of our pennies that fly in and out of our pockets.  We can track our spending patterns and really understand what is happening.  This is an eye-opening and scary path we are venturing down, but we really do know it's good for us.  I mean, I learned how to love lima beans and beets, I can do this.

I think.

Just don't utter that word in my presence unless it's followed by "simple.com".

You know the one...

Son of a Budget!

I've got big pickles!

We have been receiving an insane number of cucumbers in our CSA boxes the last couple of weeks, so Friday was pickle-making night.  Now, I am really new to this canning thing, so I wanted to start simply.  I decided to make refrigerator pickles.  No fuss.  No muss.  And very tasty.  It begins with two big mason jars...

...and 6 of the biggest cucumbers I've ever seen.  I thinly sliced each one into a bowl.  (This is my favorite part.  I love chopping veggies.  It's totally therapeutic to me.)  I added slices of half a yellow onion, then moved on to the brine.

In a small sauce pan I combined:
1 c    vinegar (I used apple cider vinegar)
2 c    sugar
2 T   salt
1 T   celery seed

I brought this mixture just to a boil and then I poured it into the jars stuffed with cucumbers and onions.  I actually made this combo twice...once for each jar.

These two jars of pickles made barely a dent in my cucumber stash, so the rest I coated in salt and left to sit over night.  The next morning I drained the cucumbers and rinsed off the extra salt.  I then tossed them with one cup of rice vinegar and one cup of sugar.  Done.  They were very yummy.

All the cucumbers (the pickles and the "salad") are in containers in the downstairs fridge.  Both versions were quite tasty and should last a while, so we can work slowly through them for the next few weeks.

And, the cool thing about refrigerator pickles is that you can just keep adding cucumbers and onions to the juice and keep them going for a while...  nice to not have to waste all that juice!

Happy pickling!

Peanut Butter and Jelly Pies (Tartlets)

On Friday I posted Urban's story about peanut butter and jelly pie.  It got me thinking that this would be a really good thing for us to make, so I scoured the internet and mushed together the best parts of a few recipes.  And, friends, they were delicious!  And totally worth the effort!   Technically, we made mini-tarts or tartlets, but to stay true to Urban's vision, we called them Peanut Butter and Jelly Pies.

Crusts

We started out by making piecrust using my mom's "secret" recipe.  (It is seriously the best piecrust ever.)  Anyway, one piecrust equals 24 mini-tarts.  We made small balls and pressed them into the cups of a mini-muffin tin, perforated the bottom with a fork and then baked them for 12 minutes.  We actually did this part the night before and just covered the little crusts and hid them in the microwave over night.  It worked out well!


Peanut Butter Filling

Some of the recipes I found called for just straight peanut butter and jelly, but I wanted the peanut butter to be a bit lighter, so I opted for this filling recipe:

1 c          unsalted butter at room temperature

2 c          creamy peanut butter 

(you could split half chunky if you want a bit of crunch)

1 3/4 c    powdered sugar

1/2 t        vanilla extract

In standing mixer, beat the butter until smooth.  Add peanut butter and beat until combined and smooth.  Add powdered sugar and vanilla, beat until smooth.  Using a small spatula or knife, spread mixture into the bottom of each pie crust cup.  Put in the fridge to chill while you make the crumble topping.  (Yep, I said it, CRUMBLE TOPPING.)

Crumb Topping

3/4 c       all-purpose flour

1/2 t        baking powder

1/4 t        baking soda

1/4 t        salt

1/4 t        cinnamon

1/3 c       brown sugar

2/3 c       rolled oats

6 T         cold, unsalted butter

Combine all ingredients in a bowl with a pastry cutter or a spoon until crumbly.

Pie Assembly

Preheat oven to 325˚

Retrieve pies from the fridge and spread your jelly of choice (we used raspberry all-fruit) over the peanut butter in each pie cup.  Then cover with crumb topping so no jelly is visible.  Bake pies 20-25 minutes, turning halfway through, or until topping is brown.  The pies popped out of the muffin tin pretty easily and Voila!  Peanut Butter and Jelly Pies!!

Your husband may work too much when...

Last night I was giving Beringer a bath and there was a knock at the bathroom door.  I hear a gruff 4-going-on-5-year-old voice say, "It's me! Dada!"

I turned and Urban came walking in wearing a pair of Brett's shoes and dragging a big satchel.

"Hi, Mama."  (Yes, Brett is known to call me Mama and I call him Daddy...  I've gotten over the weirdness of the phenomena, on with the story.)

"Hi, Daddy.  How was your day at work?"

"Good.  I did lots of stuff, and I work really high up in downtown."

"I see.  So, what did you do today?"

"Well, I ate breakfast at work and I had pizza with oranges on it.  Then I had hamburgers for lunch, and then for dinner they brought in peanut butter and jelly pie."

I could not decided if this was an appropriate time to point out that most people don't eat three meals a day at work, but the truth is, most of the time, his daddy does.  And the pie does sound delicious...

I think I'll be trying this recipe this weekend, I'll let you know how it goes.

We may move too much...

It's been a whirlwind ever since Urban was born.  5 years now, and we have moved 3 times.  That is definitely a lot. When we found out we were pregnant with #1, Brett and I had already been trying to sell our condo and move into a house for over a year.  But with the new development, we made the decision to stay put and see what happened, and really, it was a good choice, because trying to move (both the house and my body) when I was swollen with 90 lbs of fluid would have been ludicrous.  However, it did not take long for our small place to contract even further, and we were on the hunt again.

So, at exactly 6 months old, Urban moved into his first house.  Then, when Urban was 3 1/2, and I was once again tottering with child (8 months along to be exact), we moved again.  House #3, move #2.  We moved to our rental house knowing that it was not our forever solution.  It couldn't be.  We did not plan to move as soon as we did, but all signs pointed to our needing to do so.  House #4, move #3, Urban at 4 1/2.

So, last night when we were talking and Urban said, "When we get to our next house I want to..." I paused.  I took his hands in mine - I was sitting on the floor and he was standing - and I said, "Buddy, we're going to be in this house for a really long time.  We won't be moving again until I'm old and grey, and you have kids of your own."

He looked at me blankly.  "No more houses?"

"No.  This is it."

"Oh.  OK.  You'll turn grey?"

"Oh.  No, no.  I won't turn grey my hair will.  Like Gramma's."

"Oh.  I like your hair.  I think it's pretty."

"Thanks, buddy."

And we're on to the next thing.  But this revelation moved me.  (no pun intended.)  My little guy doesn't know any different.  He doesn't know roots or stability when it comes to where he lives.  It's hard for me to think of that, but in his life, you just move.  You move a lot.  But, as has come routine in our lives...  everything changes.  And we are here to stay.

I WANNA ROCK!!

You may think I'm crazy, and it's probably true.  But, in my house, it's time to start thinking about Halloween.  To those of you who don't know me well, Halloween is my "Christmas".  It's the most wonderful time of the year!  I love the drama and the pageantry.  And I plan for months to make sure my costume is perfect.  Brett was sucked into my Halloween Hysteria years ago, and I knew he was a "keeper" when he went along happily with my hair-brained costume ideas and with a smile to boot.  Although, in recent years, he has "encouraged" costumes that "don't need explanation."  What?  As far as I'm concerned, if you can't look at a devil on roller skates and know she's "hell on wheels" or a lady with an oven on her midsection and know she's "a bun in the oven" you don't appreciate the joy that is the season.  (Yes, I was actually pregnant with Beringer here.  It was his first Halloween Costume!  Aaawwwww.)

So, as you can imagine, when I found out that I was due to give birth to Urban on Halloween, I had to have a long talk with my little developing fetus and explain to him that he really must come prior to the holiday because there is really only one kind of party I can be expected to attend that day – and it doesn't involve cake and balloons.

Anyway, he obliged and came into our lives on the 20th.  Good boy.  So, now, not only do I get the joy of family themed costumes, but we can use them two weeks in a row!!  In fact, every year, we have "encouraged" costumes at his parties, and people are pretty good sports about it!  Last year we had a Super Hero party because that was his passion du jour.  Brett had the brilliant idea of all of us going as the Fantastic Four!  It was perfect, especially since little Beringer was a fairly new addition to our lives.

I purchased the suits for Brett and I online, (I still can not believe I was convinced to wear spandex 6 months after giving birth... it's the delirium of Halloween.  That's all I can figure.)  And I made the boys' costumes out of polar fleece.  Urban was the Human Torch and Beringer was Thing.

The whole party was themed with "super" food and an awesome Super Heroes' Training Course in the backyard.  We even had a bunch of people who came in costume too!  Here's a group pic:



Anyway, all of this is leading to the planning for this years' extravaganza.  Today I went to a safety fair at work and got some little flashing badges for the boys to wear trick or treating.  I showed one to Urban and told him what it was for.  He said, "Oh!  Good.  Then I won't get hit by cars."

"Yes, that is the hope.  So, what do you want to be this year?"

"Twisted Sister."

"What?"

"You know, 'We're Not Gonna Take It!!'  I want to be the guy with all the makeup."

"Dee Snyder.  You want to be Dee Snyder for Halloween?"

"Yes.  And you guys can be my band."

"Um.  OK.  Sounds good.  I can make that happen."

"And I get to wear makeup and sing, right?"

"Yes.  Of course."

So, friends, this is what my Halloween will look like this year:

Scary.  Very very scary.

Bears

Urban earned his first reward yesterday by filling his Awesome Jar with Awesomes all the way to level one.  He did a great job.  The structure this system has given him has made our week one of the best ever.  He understands what is expected of him, and it is going a long way.

So, last night he earned his CDs back.  (Yep, we are back to KidzBop land.)  He actually earned his reward in the AM just before we left for school, so I hooked up his CD player in his room before we got in the car to go.  He was ecstatic that he would be able to sing and dance when he got home.

When I picked him up, he asked if he could watch "SharkBoy and LavaGirl" when we got home, and I said that would be fine until dinner.  He insisted that he wanted to eat dinner downstairs and watch his movie.  One of the things we are trying to achieve, and one thing he can earn Awesomes for, is sitting at the table with the rest of the family at dinner time.

As an aside, the family meal is a new thing for us.  We have never lived in a house with a usable dining room, and so we ate most of our meals on tray tables in front of the TV.  Brett and I decided, moving into the new house, that we wanted to institute the family meal around the dinner table.  It's definitely been a learning curve for Urban.

Anyway, I said "no" that he needed to eat at the table.  "But, Mama!  There's a table in the basement  where I can eat!" he whined.  He was trying to play the loophole.  I stuck to my guns, and he began to escalate.  So, I looked at him in the rearview mirror and said, "Buddy, you have to choices here.  You can continue to have your tantrum and then 'take a break' when you get home, or you can take a deep breath, mellow out and earn one extra stone."  Silence.  I looked in the rearview mirror to see him, eyes closed, breathing deeply and pulling it together.  I praised him, and he got an extra stone.

When we got home, he didn't want to watch his movie anymore.  He went upstairs and put in his CD.  I could hear him singing and dancing in his room.  Beringer went up there too, and when I went up to check on them, they were both sitting and reading books, singing to 80's classics and happy as can be.  I took a mental snapshot.  This is what I want my life, my family, to be like!

So, now I get to the bears.  Not every night this week was as idyllic as last night.  I mean, it's not like we flipped a switch and Urban turned into a mild-mannered little angel.  He's still Urban.  He's still high energy.  And he can still get ramped up and not know how to bring himself back down.

One of his hot buttons is board games/competition.  On Wednesday night, Brett played a few board games with Urban (which both of them could do for hours).  But it was a school night, and Urban needed to go to bed.  He didn't want to.  At all.

Things escalated and he punched daddy in the leg.  Not OK.  Brett and I "tag-teamed" and I took a screaming, kicking Urban upstairs to his room and shut the door.  I could not talk to him or discipline him when he was in that kind of state, and he was not settling down.  He wanted out of his room and was pushing past me to do it.

I said, "Urban, you need to calm down, and we're going to do it together."  I brought him to his bed and sat down, put him on my lap and wrapped him in a big bear hug.  (I did close the windows first, because it sounded like I was torturing a raccoon.)  He wriggled and pulled and screamed, "TOO TIGHT!!  YOUR SQUEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF ME!"

I was not.  I actually wasn't holding him that tight at all – just enough to keep him from smacking his head on the walls.  He was red faced and sweating by the time he calmed down and leaned onto my shoulder.  "I'm sweaty," he whimpered.  So we took his shirt off and he collapsed upside down on my knees and I blew on his belly.

"I hit Dada."  He said, still upside down with his hair grazing the rug.
"I know."
"So, no cuddles and no stories tonight, right?"
"That's right."
"And I lost an awesome?"
"That's right."
"I'm sorry.  Let's brush teeth and go to bed."
"Good idea."

The bear hug is what stopped the insanity on Monday, and the bear hug helped on Wednesday.  Urban is too big and too strong willed to simply send him to his room.  He won't do what he doesn't want to do.  Especially in a fit of rage.  But the bear hug restrains him so he can't hurt himself or others.  And it helps, with gentle rocking or even a little soft singing, to bring him back to his senses relatively swiftly.

He doesn't want to be mad anymore than we do.  He doesn't set out to hit or to throw things.  He's not malicious, he's out of control.  It's our job, Brett and mine, to teach him how to regain that control – to teach him to breathe, to count, to sing at the top of his voice – whatever it takes to calm himself and move on.

We're working on it.  And the bears are helping.

Salads and Dips

As far as I'm concerned there can never be too many dips at a party.  I am a huge fan of anything you can put on a cracker!  (Especially cheese, let's be honest.)  But with a couple dozen people coming to my house, I knew the best way to make sure everyone left satisfied, was to fill my table to munchables.  Fill them up on easy to make dips with crackers and veggies, and you don't have to worry so much about whether people will be taking thirds of the main course before everyone has gone through the line once.  Adding some scrumptious salads is another way to ensure you're serving some great veggies that people aren't afraid of!  (A few people were a little nervous about the beet slaw, but once they tasted it, they were hooked.)

Here are the dips from the Anniversary party:

Currie Dip with Fresh Veggies:
from The Big Book of Potluck by Maryanna Vollstedt

4oz.   cream cheese cut into chunks
1/4 c  plain nonfat yogurt (I used Greek)
2T     mayonnaise
1t      fresh lemon juice
1       green onion, including tender green tops, chopped
2       parsley sprigs
1/2t   Worscertershire sauce
1t      curry powder or more to taste (I used a heaping teaspoon)
1/4t   salt
1/4t   dried tarragon

Combine all ingredients in food processor until well blended.  Transfer to bowl and refrigerate several hours.

- I allowed mine to sit in the fridge for almost 24 hours.  It did great!  I served it with jicama, celery and carrot sticks as well as sliced red peppers and grape tomatoes.

Dilled Crab Spread

from The Big Book of Potluck by Maryanna Vollstedt

1c      crab meat, flaked
1/2c   mayonnaise
1/4c   plain, nonfat yogurt (I used Greek)
1t       dried dillweed
2        green onions, including some tender green tops, finely chopped
1t       fresh lemon juice
Dash of Tabasco sauce
1/4t    salt

I served this with Carr's Table Crackers.  Very yummy.

Here are the salads:

Beet and Carrot Slaw
from Bon Appetit, July 2011

1/4      cup plain Greek yogurt

1 tsp   finely grated orange zest + 3 T fresh orange juice

1 T     fresh lemon juice

1 T     finely chopped fresh dill

5 2"   diameter beets, scrubbed, julienned

1        large carrot (or 2 medium), julienned

salt and pepper, to taste

Whisk yogurt, orange zest and juice, lemon juice, and dill in a medium bowl. Add beets and carrots and toss to combine. Season with salt and pepper.

I julienned all of the vegetables by hand, which I would not necessarily recommend, but I find cutting veggies very relaxing.

Dijon Potato Salad

from Everyday Food, June 2007

coarse salt and ground pepper

3lbs of Yukon Gold potatoes

4 scallions, including tender green tops, sliced

1/2 c    olive oil

1T       dijon mustard

capers (I used half a jar)

crumbled bacon (as much as you want, come on... it's bacon!)

Set a steamer basket in a dutch oven and add enough salted water to come just below the basket; bring to boil.  Then, place potatoes in basket, cover pot and reduce heat to a gentle simmer.  Steam potatoes until tender, 15-25 min.

- I did all of this the night before and let the potatoes chill in the fridge overnight, then tossed in the rest of the ingredients in the AM.

Add rest of ingredients and toss.

Happy entertaining, everyone!

A Big Change

It has been really hard to focus this week because Monday night felt like an eternity.  Monday night will be etched in my brain for a long time.  We are still working on picking up the pieces of a 4-year-old firestorm. I can make lots of excuses and, believe me, the situation has been analyzed over and over for the last few days.  But here's the deal, there is a lot of anxiety in our house.  There has been a lot of change.  Everyone is tired, and there have not been defined roles.  Monday brought all of these things into the spotlight.

Urban is not an average 4-year-old.  On one side he is unfathomably polite and helpful.  He is insightful and empathetic beyond his years.  He's creative and an incredible story teller.  He's also angry.  Very very angry.  We don't know why.  He always has been.  He can be impulsive and rambunctious.  And he does not like the word "no".

I know that no 4-year-old likes to hear that word.  I know that all 4-year-olds have temper tantrums and irrational behavior.  But not many 4-year-olds can sustain that tantrum for 3+ hours escalating to hysteria kicking and punching everything and everyone in sight while screaming, "I make the rules here!"  "I will make you cry!"

Well, friends, no.  NO. HE DOES NOT.  He does not make the rules.  Monday was hard, but it was a violent wake up call that showed Brett and I some of the errors of our ways.  Because parenting is hard.  It's really hard and sometimes I'm tired.  Sometimes I just want a break.  Sometimes when it's the 7th night in a row that Brett has been forced to work late (beyond the boys' bedtimes), I just don't have the patience to stay firm and stick to the program.

But it is not a choice.  We know that Urban needs structure.  All kids need structure, but especially Urban.  He thrives in an environment where he knows exactly what is expected from him.  An environment where he has minimal control and minimal choices.  He is amazing at school.  Amazing.  And we want him to be amazing at home too.  But, as parents, we have to build the framework.  No one else can.

So, after processing the night, Brett and I made lists.  3 to be exact.  After the massive meltdown and physical lashing out of the night, we decided his punishment was to lose privileges.  Specifically, he lost his access to most technology - video games, iPad and non-educational television.  So, we had to figure out a simple system that would build for Urban the structure that he needs, while still allowing him to control his rewards.

The first list we made was all the things Urban can still do – NOT the things that he is not allowed.  We wanted an easy reference so that, when faced with the inevitable "No iPad?  Then what can I do?!" question, we had an answer.  So, Urban can still read books, play board games, play in his toy room with blocks or his kitchen or any other myriad toys.  He can do puzzles.  He can draw, color or cut paper.  He can watch PBS up to 1 hour in the morning before we go to school and up to 1 hour at night while I make dinner.  There are lots of things till to do.

The second list was all the things Urban can do to earn back his privileges.  We wanted this list to contain a combination of things we need him to do with out a battle, things he should be doing anyway, and things that he can be proud of doing to be helpful.  There are 10 things on this list.

1. Get dressed
2. Put shoes on
3. Put dishes in the sink when finished eating
4. Feed the cats
5. Flush the toilet after he goes
6. Wash his hands after he goes
7. Sit at the dinner table and eat with the family
8. Brush teeth/take meds
9. Bathe and actually wash body and hair
10. Pick up his toys/games/books when finished

All of these things are attainable goals and things that, at this age, he should have been doing without a major struggle anyway.  But, he didn't.  Not at home.  Part of that is on us.  Part of that is the power struggle that is a constant in our house.  But Urban doesn't get to run our house anymore.  His reign is over.

The final list was all the things he could earn back.  Everything from his CD player and video games to fancy flavored milk and gum.  We will go one by one down the list until we get to #9 n(because 9 is all the fit on our jars).  Numebr 9 is Urban's choice.  He can choose from a day at the water park or Mall of America or maybe a trip to Chuck E. Cheese.  

So, how do we keep track of all this earning?  I took a note from one of my cousins and instituted the Awesome Jar. Essentially, we now have 2 mason jars.  One is filled with glass stones, the other is empty with lines marked and numbered in black marker.  It takes approximately 30 stones to fill the jar line to line.  That means, if Urban completes each task on his list once per day, he will fill the jar in 3 days.  However, things like washing hands, remembering to flush, dishes in sink, etc. could be earned more than once each day.  And if he pitches a major fit, he could have stones deducted – but only in relation to the things on the list.  

We still do timeouts.  We still have separate consequences for things like hitting his brother or someone else.  The jar is separate it is a reward system for good behavior.

OK, so now I'm sure you wondering, "really?  You really think this is going to take the screaming demon from Monday night who can't accept 'no more iPad tonight' and turn him into a happy, compliant child?"

My answer is yes.  Yes, I think it can.  And, so far, it has.  Urban knew when he want to bed on Monday night that, "Everything is going to change."  He was prepared.  I will tell you, yesterday, he earned more than 10 stones.  He asks about the stones, "Can I earn one if I do this?"  "No, that's not on the list."  "Can I get this instead of that?"  "No. You will get this first because that's what Mama and Daddy decided."  He has not asked to play iPad or video games.  He has accepted that TV is only PBS Sprout not Sponge Bob or She-Ra.  He has found a number of creative things to play with that don't plug into the wall.  

He is proud of himself for earning his stones.  In fact, he DRESSED HIMSELF THIS MORNING.  He picked out his clothes and put them on before he came and said good morning.  He was self-sufficient.  He was a big boy.  He was so proud.

Now, do I think that it is "fixed", that I'll never see another tantrum or face another morning of fights to get into his school clothes?  No.  But can I appreciate a morning without a fight?  One, blissful morning...  Yes.  

And I will remember THIS morning as vividly as Monday night.  Because THIS morning I heard Urban say, "Mama, the birds are singing so loud this morning!  They must be really happy!"  Yes, yes they are.  And so am I.  I am happy that I can hear the birds instead of screams to start my day for at least one day.  And I expect that there will be more mornings like this to come – as long as we can stay consistent, patient and firm.  

That is my new mantra.  Consistent. Patient. Firm. Breathe.  (the breathing is the hardest part sometimes.  Just breathe.)

One Week Ahead - The Roast and some cupcakes

The decision was made to make Cocoa and Spice Crusted Pork Roast for the main course for the anniversary party.  I've made it a few times, and it is always a hit.  Usually I serve it with roasted vegetables and beet salad, but this time we wanted to keep it a little more casual and easy to eat party-style.  So, I decided we should try serving it on buns.  It is so flavorful and juicy, that it really doesn't require any condiments.  (And that is a bonus right there!!)  I originally got the recipe from epicurious.com.

Here is the recipe:

Spice Rub:

• 1/2 tablespoon whole white peppercorns (I used powdered white pepper)
• 1/2 tablespoon whole coriander seeds
• 2 tablespoons plus 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons coarse sea salt 
• 1 tablespoon plus 2 1/4 teaspoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

Pork and Onions:

• 6 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 3 3/4 to 4 pounds onions, thinly sliced
• 1 1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
• 1 1/2 cups water
• 1 5-pound pork shoulder butt with bone

preparation

For spice rub:
Stir peppercorns and coriander in small skillet over medium heat until spices are darker in color,about 5 minutes. Transfer toasted spices to spice grinder; grind finely. Place in small bowl; mix in remaining ingredients. DO AHEAD: Can be made 1 week ahead. Cover and let stand at room temperature.

For pork and onions:
Heat oil in large pot over medium heat. Add onions and sage; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Sauté10 minutes. Add 1 1/2 cups water; cover and cook until onions are soft, about 15 minutes. Uncover; continue to cook until onions are beginning to brown and water has evaporated, about 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, preheat oven to 300°F. Sprinkle spice rub on large sheet of foil. Roll pork in rub, pressing to coat (some of rub will be leftover). Set pork on rack in large roasting pan. Top pork with 1/3 of onions; scatter remaining onions around pork in pan.

Roast pork and onions until onions are deep brown, stirring occasionally, about 3 hours. Transfer onions from pan to medium bowl. Continue to roast pork until very tender and thermometer inserted into center registers 165°F, about 2 1/2 hours longer. Transfer pork to platter. Rewarm onions in microwave at 10 second intervals and season with salt and pepper; spoon around pork.

Really, the worst part of this process is chopping all those onions.  But I slice them big and they fall apart when you cook them down.  Anyway, about 2AM Brett sliced up the roasts.  (I actually did one 5lb and one 2.5lb roast to be sure we had enough.)  And I separated out all the juices and onions.  We put them in separate sealed containers and put them in the freezer for the week.  On the day of the party I mostly thawed both the onions/drippings and the roast in the microwave and then plopped them together into the crock pot to heat up on low.  I stirred periodically to make sure the onions and roasts were brought back together nicely.

There were 36 whole wheat buns, and the roast to bun ratio turned out perfectly!  We went through all of it.  It really was a success.

CUPCAKES

The last thing I made the week before was the cupcakes.  I decided that since I was making so many other things from scratch I would turn to my friend, Betty Crocker, to help me out with those.  I purchased 2 boxes of red velvet cake mix (ruby anniversary necessity) and two containers of cream cheese frosting. 

Urban and I mixed up the cupcake batter and I distributed it to the white cupcake papers.  I made exactly 4 dozen cupcakes.  Once they were baked, I left them on the counter to cool.  Once cool, I put six to a freezer bag and stuck them in the freezer next to the roast.

24 hours before we planned to frost them, Mom moved them to the refrigerator to thaw.  I had read a blog post on the kitchn about freezing cakes just the week before, and they suggested slowly thawing in the fridge to ensure the cakes stay moist.

The day of the party, Mom and I frosted the cakes with the cream cheese frosting and sprinkled them with red sugar.  But the piece de resistance was the candy rubies I had purchased from Amy's Sweet Dream on etsy.com. We chose watermelon and strawberry dacquiri as our flavors, and she made them in two shades of red.  We topped each cupcake with 3 rubies.  They were delicious and fabulous!

And no cupcake presentation is complete without a cupcake tree, so that's what we did.  After a little trial and error, we picked the most perfect cupcakes we had and stacked them up in a pretty little pyramid.  It became a lovely centerpiece on the table.

Next up, salads!

One week before - cheese

So, as you can imagine there was a lot of food to make for the big surprise party.  So the cooking began one week ahead.  I never saw much of a need for a second refrigerator until this past week.  It was a god send!  I don't know what we would have done without it.

Anyway, a week ago Saturday started with intense cleaning and rearranging.  Then, Mary agreed to take the boys for the afternoon so we could "get unpacked and settled a bit more".  (right.)  Brett took off to run some errands and I set myself up to begin the cheese making process.  This was the first time I attempted Fromage Blanc.  I had read the recipe (that includes 4 steps) about 5 times and each time I apparently missed a key phrase.  "Let stand 12 hours."  I totally saw the part about it draining for 6-12 hours, so when I started the process at noon, I thought I would be done at dinner time.  WRONG!  It was then that I realized I would be up very late that night, and I might as well get as much done as I could.  So, I made fromage blanc:

Pour 1 gallon of milk into a large stainless steel pot and heat to 86˚F while stirring slowly
Add fromage blan starter packet (contains starter bacteria and rennet)
Allow to sit at room temperature for 12-14 hours
Line a colander with butter muslin and transfer the curds to the draining cloth
One cheese is transfered, gather the corners of the muslin and tie to make a pouch
Hang to drain for 6-12 hours (the less time is drains the smoother/more spreadable the texture)

So the curds set until exactly 12:35AM I tied and hung them, then set my alarm for 7AM to transfer them to a storage container and stir in Herbes de Provence (a combination of savory, fennel, basil, thyme, and lavender flowers and other herbs.)  This was then allowed to sit for the week in the fridge to really meld the flavors.


I served the fromage blanc with toasted pieces of sliced baguette.

Next I made the mozzarella.  I had done this a few times before, so I knew what to expect.  It's a quick and simple process that takes about 30 minutes total.  


Pour 1 gallon of milk (I use whole) into a stainless steel pot
Add one tablet of rennet to 1/4 cup of cool water (avoid tap water here) and set aside
Add 1.5 tsp of citric acid to 1 cup of water and set aside.  Be sure to stir until all is dissolved.
Stir the citric acid into the milk and heat to 90˚F
Stir in rennet for about 30 sec.  then cover and let stand for 5 minutes
Curd should look like custard
Slice curd with knife that reaches the bottom of the pot and reheat to 105˚
Transfer curd to a colander using a slotted spoon and gently drain of excess whey
Transfer to a microwavable bowl and heat for 30 seconds in microwave
Knead until becomes a ball - reheat if necessary - the more you knead the firmer the cheese will be
Then you stretch it just like taffy until it gets shiny

At this point I separated the mozzarella forming about 50 tiny balls.  I put them in a storage container and refrigerated them for the week.

On Friday night before the party I brought out the mozzarella balls and sliced each in half.  I then slid the cheese onto a toothpick with a leaf of fresh basil and half a grape tomato.  Voila! caprese salad on a stick!  I served them with oil and vinegar on the side.  They were a huge hit!

Too many secrets

It has been killing me this entire past week not to talk about all the things that I have been doing.  Just before moving into our new house, Brett and I decided we wanted to celebrate his parents' 40th wedding anniversary in a special way.  We knew that the date fell almost exactly 5 weeks after the move, but we thought, "Hey, we can totally do this."  Well, we did it.  And we are completely nuts!!

Anyway, over the last few weeks we have spent a lot of time planning and arranging and scheming because this was not just a party.  It was a surprise party.  The first thing to tackle was getting the emails for both sides of the family and all their myriad friends.  Normally we would just ask Mary, but that was kind of out of the question this time.  Brett worked for a few days tracking down as many contacts as he could and then, about 3 weeks out, sent the evite asking people to pass it along to those who would be interested.  We started getting responses immediately.  By the end of last week we were preparing for 30+ guests.

Brett handled the decorations, and I did the food.  His brother Jason and Uncle Terry and Aunt Theresa handled the bar.  Auntie Kathy brought fresh flowers.  By 5:30 on Saturday, people were pouring in the door and assembling on the back deck for the big surprise.  Tom and Mary were scheduled to arrive at 6.  They thought we were just heading out for a quiet dinner.

At 6:03 they pulled in just as Brett as "taking some boxes out to the garage."  He told them that the kids were playing in the backyard and asked if they would like to go say hi before we headed out.  The deck stood hushed and ready, and as they rounded the corner through the gate we all shouted, "SURPRISE!!"  Some of the crowd even burst into song!  They were flabbergasted.

We were thrilled that the plan had worked and a wonderful night was had by all.

But, I'm sure what you really want to know is the nitty-gritty!!  (I will be posting the various recipes for all the items served and some of the decorations we made.)  After throwing a few parties in my day, I have found the best thing to do is a nice combo of homemade and store bought items.  I think mixing something that no one expects you to make with something out of a box is a great way to create a relatively impressive, yet not overwhelming spread.  Here is the rundown:

Menu

Cocoa and spice crusted pork roast served on whole wheat buns
Dijon potato salad
Beet and carrot slaw
Hummus and pita chips
Curry dip and fresh veggies
Fromage blanc and toasts
Dilled crab dip and crackers
Caprese salad on a stick
Cheese plate of local cheese - Ama blue, Dill Havarti, Dubliner and Apple Smoked Cheddar
Fresh berry compote
Watermelon and cantaloupe
Almond stuffed olives
Red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and candy rubies

Minted lemonade
Homemade ginger beer

The food was a big hit, and lots of people asked for recipes, so all this week, you will find them here!

We turned out screen porch into a bar area with benches to sit around the outside and our baker's rack as the bar.  We lined up all the bottles on the window sill (to keep out of the hands of the under-aged among us) and had the ginger beer and lemonade dispensers within reach.

The week everyone was at the cabin, we took the opportunity to break in to Tom and Mary's house and pilfer some pictures of the two of them through the ages.  Brett them assembled and hung them as decorations from the ceiling of the porch.  We added a few red paper lanterns and candles in Mason Jars as well as some pretty red plants along the sills.  Here is the result:

We wanted the decor to stay classy and not too over the top.  I think it ended up exactly the way we wanted.

Thanks to all who came and celebrated.  I hope you had as much fun as we did.

Everyone should read Voltaire

Or maybe just this quote: "The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out."

I spend my day designing.  I am a graphic designer by trade, and everyday I am faced with piles of information (many that end in exclamation points!!! and requests for bursts ...gah.)  And I am asked to arrange it, rearrange it and make it all make sense.

As a graphic designer I am, in many ways, an editor and filter.  I have to look at twenty pieces of information and not just make them visually pleasing with a fresh perspective, but also discern what is most important, what is second, third, etc.  And, most difficult, what is unnecessary.  Then, of course, I have to pepper in the answers to requests for this or that thing to "POP!" (shudder).

But, in design and in life, we can't include everything.  We must edit.  I fill my life with activities and people and projects, (it takes a lot to keep me busy ...I don't know if you've noticed) but I still have to schedule time (often) to sit down, take stock and decide on a hierarchy.  I can't do everything.  I know, you're all like, "WHAT?  Of course you can!  Have you met you?  You make cheese and sew buttons!"  (raucous laughter and a bit a milk comes from the nose...)

But seriously, as my lists of projects and responsibilities pile up, I need to take a moment and heed my own advice.  Look at it with a designer's eye.  What is most important?  What can be discarded or moved to the bottom of the pile?  Not everything can "POP!", and if you try to cram it all in, you end up with mush.  A big scary, muddled mess where no one knows where to look or what to do.  I walk this line, teetering to either side on occasion, realizing that eyes are glazing over as I relate my endless list of activities...  until I remember those words of Voltaire, and the one thing I never want to be is BORING!

So, Yes! to fun and interesting projects with my kids.  Yes! to hanging out with my husband and mother.   Yes! to this wacky, wandering blog.  Yes! to show choir.  Everything else... you may be edited.

Ginger Beer

I made ginger beer last weekend using a recipe I found on The Paupered Chef blog.  I made a full gallon, which is a double recipe, and instead of the champagne yeast suggested here, I used the bread yeast I had already.  It sat for 48 hours because I wanted to get it good and fizzy.  Last night was the grand transfer from fermentation (big red soup pot) to service (big glass jug with a spigot).  The "gallon" actually ended up being slightly more than the jug could hold, so I poured myself a tall glass.

Results:  very spicy and good.  I loved it - totally delicious.  But then I had both Urban and my mom try it, and both thought it was disgusting.  So, maybe it's a taste thing.  Of course, after spending the bulk of both pregnancies sucking down one ginger beer after another, I likely have more of a taste for the stuff than my two family members who are more used to Canada Dry.  It is definitely not a sweet soda pop flavor, but I really like it.  I'm thinking I may mix it with 7-Up or something and have both of them try it again.  We'll see.

So, who's up for a ginger beer tasting??  Anyone? Anyone?

Dandelion Cordial: UPDATE

It's done!  OK, yes, it looks a bit like a urine sample, but it is dandelion cordial, and it is YUMMY!  Brett and I tested it out on Saturday night.  It has a very nice lemony flavor, but a distinct woodsy/floral finish.  It is sweet, but has a nice burn to it too.  I loved it straight, but I am definitely going to experiment with mixers.

It's official.  We will be making more of this.

Yep, it means: White Cheese

This weekend I upped my home cheese making by attempting Fromage Blanc.  It is a mild, spreadable cheese (sort of like cream cheese or the herbed Alouette you can get at the store).  I was pretty excited to try my hand at something other than mozzarella or ricotta.

I started by ordering the formage blanc starter from the New England Cheese Making Supply Company.  I read the recipe – which consists of four steps – a number of times.  And yet, as I set out to start my cheese I realized that, although I saw the part about it draining for 6-12 hours, I missed the part about it setting up for 12 hours prior to that!  I looked at the clock and decided that this was a sacrifice I would make for cheese - I would stay up until 12:35AM so that I could drain and hang that fromage blanc, and then get up at 7AM to check it.  Done and done.

And, that's exactly what I did.  I made the cheese with organic whole milk from Lund's.  It turned out beautifully.  I only drained it for about 6 1/2 hours because I wanted the consistency to remain soft and spreadable.  After removing it from the butter muslin it had hung in, I folded in a tablespoon of Herbes de Provence, put it in an airtight container and moved it to my fridge.  I'm going to let it sit for a day or two, so the herbs really flavor the cheese, then it will be cheese meet cracker!  I cannot wait.

Too yummy!  So, this weekend, I stayed up really late and made white cheese with french herbs.  So very fancy...

I'm New Here

This morning after I dropped off Urban at daycare I was able to switch from KidzBop to The Current for the 3 minutes it takes to complete my drive to work.  In that 3 minutes I heard the tail end of the weather forecast and most of Bjork's new song, Crystalline.

As I listened, I tried to understand the lyrics – "Octagon, polygon; Pipes up an organ; Sonic branches;
Murmuring drone."  Now, I don't know about you, but I love lyrics.  In fact, I am a huge fan of 90's hip hop and rap mostly because of the lyrics.  I love the stories inside all the posturing.  (digression, sorry) However, if you have ever tried to listen to the lyrics of a Bjork song, you likely know they can be a bit hard to follow.  Beautiful in that perfectly odd, quirky Bjork way, but difficult.  As I listened, I started to think about Beringer.  – OK, this might seem a little weird to be reminded of my 17 mo-old while listening to Bjork, but bear with me.

This weekend Brett and I had a somewhat long conversation about Beringer, all centering around his frustration.  Beringer is frustrated.  Very frustrated.  He point and grunts and pleads with his eyes.  Then, when you inevitably don't get it; he flops into a howling cry, backs himself into the nearest corner and pouts.  Honestly, it's hilariously adorable, but really annoying – and frustrating!

Brett asked me if I thought this would get batter when he can talk more.  I said yes, then related this story to him:

Beringer loves books, and the other night after I got him ready for bed, I let him pick out a book to read. He has a new-found obsession with Dora.  (This is a little odd, because I don't think he's ever seen the show, but we have leftover stuff from Urban's Dora run.)  Anyway, he picked out a big book that originally had a little Dora iPod thingy that played a lot of her best-loved tunes.

The book just has pictures of Dora and then all the songs' lyrics printed out.  Needless to say, it's not exactly a cohesive bedtime story.  Beringer sat and paged through the book, giving me the opportunity to read maybe one set of lyrics before he would turn the page.  When he got to the last spread he stopped.  He stared.  He smiled and said, "BALL!"  and pointed to a bunch of balloons.  I said, "Yes!  Balloon!"  He kept looking at the picture and tracing the lines with his fingers, so I said, "Can you find the Mommy in this picture?"  He pointed at Dora's Mama.  I said, "Can you find the Daddy in this picture?"  He pointed at Dora's Papi.  This continued with him identifying Gramma, monkey, flower, star, banana, shoes, things that were blue, green, purple and red and some clouds.

I just looked at him.  He looked up into my face and grinned his big cheesy grin.

"You totally get it don't you?"

He just looked at me and said, "Mama."  And laid his head on my chest.  I felt like such a dolt as I suddenly remembered watching him follow complex instructions like: "Go pick up that napkin, wipe your face and throw it in the garbage." without a second thought.  He's not even a year and a half yet, and I expect him perform like Urban.  And, what's more, he lives up to it.  This poor little guy is understanding so much!  He listens and comprehends, but can't get us to understand anything he's trying to tell us.  How extremely frustrating!  I think, in that situation, I would back into a corner and pout too.

Which leads me back to Bjork.  Beringer, like Bjork, has beautiful things to say, but I just can't get to the meaning, so I smile and praise him and then move on to something I can understand.  How unfair.  I guess I can at least say that it won't last forever.  He'll talk soon.  And when I can finally understand him, I can't wait to hear what he has to say.  I'm sure it will be amazing.  And I guess the Bjork thing will just work itself out.