Though sometimes I describe Urban as his own natural disaster, he has become increasingly obsessed with actual natural disasters.  He wants to know so much about what happens and how.  It started out innocently enough with questions about thunderstorms and lightening.  But soon it developed into an obsession with tornadoes.

We try to talk frankly with him.  We tell him about wall clouds and the different kinds of cloud formations within a storm.  We go online and look at scientific pictures of storms.  For a while he even proclaimed that he was going to be a weatherman.

Then, last spring, he happened to walk into the living room when I was watching coverage of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  "What happened?  Why is the ocean in the streets now?  Where did the buildings go?"  He wandered around for days talking about earthquakes and tsunamis and waves crashing into buildings.  He never seemed that scared, just interested and concerned.  We talk about the people effected by the disasters and how other people, heroes, rush to their aid and try to help.

The earthquake fascination faded quickly and "normal" boy obsessions took over again.  Especially lava.  Lots and lots of lava.  It shoots out of his hands, it fills our living room and the bad guys have to jump in it.  Lava is everywhere, it seems.

So, the other night at dinner when he turned to me and asked, "Mama, did people make lava?"  I wasn't surprised, but, as with other questions, I had the brief internal struggle of how much is too much information?  I remember sitting at a parents' conference last year that focused on gifted kids, and they said, "Answer the questions until they stop asking.  Don't over-inform, but don't blow it off either."  So I told him about volcanoes.  Which led to where volcanoes are in the world.  Then to what happens to the lava after it comes out of the volcano.  We ended up talking about tectonic plates and the earth's molten core.

Then, yesterday, he hears the DJs on the radio talking about the earthquake in Turkey.  I have intentionally avoided the coverage to try and avoid all the earthquake talk again, but there it was.  "Mama?  There was another earthquake?  Like the one in Japan?"

"Yes."

"Mama?  Will there be another tsunami?"

"No."  So we talked about how the tectonic plates move to cause the earthquakes.  That there are fault lines all over just like seams on his clothes, and that sometimes the plates shift around and it causes the earth to move.  They aren't always by oceans, so they don't always cause tsunamis.  Sometimes it causes volcanoes to erupt, and most of the time it just causes things to fall off of shelves.

"Mama, if there was an earthquake here, we would run away really fast and you would hold me and keep me safe right?"

Oh, buddy...  I assured him that I would always do my best to keep him safe no matter what.  And we talked about what you should do if there really was an earthquake.  (Which, I assured him, is very unlikely in Minnesota.)

"Mama, I want to see one.  On the videos.  I want to see what an earthquake feels like."

Ummmm....  so, after some internal debate, last night we sat down together on YouTube and watched videos.  We started by watching some beautiful footage of volcanoes and talking about lava and fire and how it makes new land and islands.  Then we watched some footage from the earthquake in Turkey.  He sat quietly for a while.

"OK, Mama, I think I understand.  Can we just watch buildings fall down now?"

So, I pulled up a bunch of building demolition videos, and we ended our night shouting, "AW! COOL!" as skyscrapers fell into piles of controlled rubble.

But I still wonder, how much is too much information?  I want to shelter him from all of the painful and frightening things in the world, but I also want him to understand and feel like he is safe.  I feel like if I can explain things to him so that they are not big scary unknowns, then maybe he won't be so scared.  I hope that's the case, and I guess, that's all I can do...  continue to answer questions and hope.  And give lots of hugs.  There's always hugs...

I WANNA ROCK!

On Saturday we hosted Urban's 5th birthday party.  It was a Rock Star Extravaganza.  It began at the entryway with his personalized rock poster.  I laid it out using a photo taken by the incomparable Cami of Hazel, Brown & Blue Photography.   And Brett printed it large format at work and mounted it to display on an easel at the front door.  I feel like it really set the mood.

We had a table full of all Urban's favorite foods mixed with some Rock Star flavor.  We served dill pickle roll-ups, pepperoni pasta salad with music-note-shaped pasta, Jack Daniel's BBQ chicken sandwiches, chips, puppy chow, chex party mix and to drink - margarita flavored limeade and root beer.

The big activity was our obstacle course.  This year it took on the form of a rock and roll tour.  Brett and I brainstormed all the different stations, and he brought it to life while I got everything set up inside.  It was fabulous!!

First stop was loading the tour bus in "NY".  (It was made out of old moving boxes and spray paint.)

The band piled inside and "drove," followed by our roadies and groupies, Flintstones-style to The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Columbus, OH.  There we took our marketing shots for all of our press engagements.

From OH we travelled northwest to Detroit Rock City to practice throwing guitar picks to our adoring fans.

 (teddy bears in printer boxes and big red coasters) 

From Detroit we moved on to Chicago and practiced our stage dives. (That's a mattress covered with stuffed animals)

Then we travelled through tranquil farmland...

to Minneapolis...  Where we celebrated our return home by bashing in our old "Amp" with our favorite guitars until the sparks flew...

This version of a Piñata has been a staple at our parties for 3 years now.  It has been everything from a box of jungle rations to an evil villian's power supply to now an amplifier.  It is awesome.  You just take a paper grocery sack and slit it up one side and down one edge of the bottom...just enough to allow you to flip it inside out (hiding the store branding).  Then you tape it back together and add the bottom of one more sack to the open top with more tape.  Fill it with candy, glittery confetti and little toys and decorate it to fit your theme... and VOILA! instant and inexpensive piñata fun!

We had so much fun at this rock star party.  Urban was ecstatic to finally wear his Dee Snider costume and really took on the persona as well!  (God help us)  

There was lots of singing and dancing and air guitar playing.  I couldn't be happier with how it all turned out.

Thanks to all who attended!

Let me (I mean them) eat cake

It was Urban's 5th birthday yesterday.  Which means, of course, we are staring down the barrel of a big party.  It takes the shape of a RockStar Party that will take place tomorrow afternoon.  I am going low key with this one, though, and the planning has been minimal – at least by my standards.  I decided not to even make the cake this year!  (It's the first year I haven't.)  And I feel kind of guilty about it, actually.

Urban's first birthday was themed Urban: Little Angle/Little Devil.  So I made an angle food cake and a devil's food cake.  Basic but delicious.  He, of course, chose the devil's food for his smash cake.  (Sorry, I can't find the pictures.  Bad mommy...)

Anyway, here is Urban's second cake from his "Halloween" themed birthday:

Yep, it's a zombie cake.  Two layers with gummy worms and oreo dirt.  The slanty #2 candle was the "tombstone".  Little did we know how much he would grow to love zombies. He is a vampire bat inthis picture, in case you're curious.

Urban's 3rd birthday was jungle themed.  He dressed as a tiger for this one.

And his cakes were an elephant with little tiger and monkey cupcakes:

For #4 we had a superhero theme.  The family dressed as the Fantastic Four (as seen in a previous post) so he had "burst" cakes.

Then Beringer had his first birthday, which we themed "Spaghetti" and I made this cake:

Yes, it is cake.  With chocolate cookie meatballs, frosting noodles and strawberry marinara.

I think I'm just caked out.  I don't know.  Maybe I just need a break. but this year I decided to go to Target Bakery and see what happens.  Obviously, I haven't tasted it yet, but it sure looks good!

At least it fits right in with the theme, and I won't have that stress starting at 5AM the day of the party baking and frosting a cake while trying to make all the other party food.

I love a party.  Seriously.  I live for entertaining.  But it's all about the moderation – that perfect balance of store bought and homemade.  I just couldn't do the cake this year.  Do you think Urban will even notice?

Now, how do I get past my other stressor?  All the random crap... I mean awesome presents...  that will be moving into my house tomorrow night!  Birthdays are a purger's nightmare.

to be continued...

What soup is for

Yesterday the fam and I had a warm fuzzy family day.  We visited MN Harvest Apple Orchard. The boys were thrilled.  It's about a half hour drive from home, so they got a nice snooze in the car.  We piled out and immediately went to visit Earl and donkey and his friends the sheep and the goat.  We bought our 1 Peck bag and loaded onto a wagon pulled by a "REAL TRACTOR!" to head out to orchards.

Urban was ecstatic and Beringer couldn't take his eyes off the tractor.

The irony of this excursion is that I am allergic to apples, so I bundled up against over-spray and was relegated to the post of picture taker (I will not even pretend to be a photographer).  The boys ate at least as many apples as went into the bag and couldn't decide which variety was their favorite.  (We have a hodge-podge of four different kinds at home now.)

Then, after we picked our peck, we headed over to Jim's Apple Stand for some fun that doesn't make me break out in hives...shopping!  We hauled home some apple smoked bacon, farm fresh honey, dandelion jelly (which is frickin' delish!), fig and strawberry preserves and assorted candies.

So, after a long day of animals, the great outdoors, lots of apples and lots of candy; everyone was ready for a low-key dinner.  I decided it was time for soup.  I wanted something that would be warm and comforting and maybe a little stomach settling too.  And, I LOVE SOUP.  It is my favorite this to both eat and make.  So, I decided on a version of Chinese 7 Happiness soup.  I, of course, did not have all the lovely ingredients it called for, so I winged it.

Here is what it consisted of:

64oz    chicken stock
1-2 T   chopped fresh ginger (I had some frozen from another recipe)
1/4 t     chopped garlic
2 chicken breasts sliced thinly
1/2 c    thinly sliced carrots
1/2 c    thinly sliced celery
1/2 c    thinly sliced onions
1 can   sliced water chestnuts
1 pkg  vermicelli rice noodles

I simmered all ingredients except the noodles and the water chestnuts for about 20 minutes, then added the noodles and chestnuts and simmered another 10.

It was hot and hearty with all the noodles – exactly what I was looking for.  And the best part is that all 5 members of the family tucked into this soup with gusto.  Urban exclaimed it's "deliciousness" and asked for seconds!  (This is the kid who will only eat the number of bites you dictate per meal.)  Beringer was covered in soup from head to toe because once he ate out all the chunks, he picked up the bowl and slurped the broth!  Everyone was warm and happy.

It made me so excited, because good, quiet conversation and a lot of slurping – that is what soup is for.

Swept away

The illustration of the power of a good book in 3 pictures:

READ

SLEEP

DREAM

Calling all Mommies

Moms Like Us is looking for Moms in the Twin Cities area to participate in a Mom panel.  The current topics are either "Traveling with Kids" or "Kids and sports".  Contact me if you or someone you know are interested!

Alpha House

So, long long ago when I was still dating, I had this "Golden Rule" for myself when it came to mate selection.  "There can never be two superstars in a relationship."  I made this rule because, having a big personality myself, I am attracted to other people with big personalities.  But, having subsequently dated some of them, I came to find out that I am strictly noncompetitive and therefore exhausted every time I had to play the, "Look at me!" game.

So, following my own rule, I settled down with a decidedly strong, intelligent, but un-superstar type man.  He is quirky in all the right ways for me, social enough to join me on my myriad exploits, but not so limelight hungry that we spend all of our time elbowing each other out of the shot.

Then we had Urban.  Urban is a superstar.  Just ask him.  He came from the womb with jazz hands and a wink, I swear.  I love every bit of it, don't get me wrong.  He is my #1 source of entertainment most days, but it completely changes the dynamics of a relationship.  Then we had Beringer.  He's quieter, but don't underestimate him.  He's in charge.  Always.

Brett and I suddenly found ourselves embroiled in power struggles – with each other, with Urban, with Beringer, sometimes with our own parents.  I have come to realize that not only is it difficult to have more than one superstar in a relationship, it is equally difficult to find yourself surrounded by Alphas.

How is that possible?  Isn't the dynamic of the pack for one person to be alpha and the rest fall in somewhere behind?  I guess it is proof positive that people are not pack animals.  My house is full of alphas in every shade, temperament and disposition.

I am a producer alpha.  I like to research, plan, execute and bask in the praise all on my own.  I am very social and family oriented, but I take on all the work myself.  I make work for myself.  It leads to martyrism if I'm not careful.  It leads to burnout often.

Brett is a rules alpha.  He knows the rules.  He sets rules and he discovers rules when he doesn't know them.  He will let you know if you don't follow the rules.  He's really good at rules and order.  And it helps us run a consistent household.  It makes things reliable and easier to understand for everyone, but it can also lead to long lectures and rigidity if he's not careful.

Urban is an imperial alpha.  He basks in the glow of praise and attention.  He is sharp and witty and eager to impress you, but he also expects you to do everything for him.  He wants to be served.  And he wants you to become one of his legions.  He has this aura – people are drawn to him like a magnet, but it can lead to an inflated ego and spoiled attitude if we're not careful.

Beringer is a my-do alpha.  He does everything himself.  He does not want or need your help.  It annoys him to have to ask for help for anything.  And he really could care less if you think it's good or bad.  He doesn't need your praise.  He has a confidence that comes from somewhere deep inside of him.  So just follow along and keep your mouth shut.  I'm sure you can already see the problems with this.  He's one and a half.

So, what do you do in a house full of Alphas?  Some days we walk on egg shells.  We quietly dodge each other and go about our own business, but on better days, we take turns.  We pass the baton of power from hand to hand allowing each person to fulfill their need for it.  There are days that are exhausting and loud with conflict.  It's hard when everyone wants to be in charge.  It's harder when everyone is good at being in charge, but no on does it the same way (the right way, right?).  But on the days that we cooperate – the days that we acknowledge each others' alpha-ness – those days are amazing and full of fun and adventure and laughter and spotlights and just the right amount of rules.  Those days I love living in my Alpha House.

Just say yes

I have a problem.  It's this:  I find it hard to say "no."  I will admit that part of it lies in not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, but really, as a mother, you get over that one pretty quickly.  My actual verbalization of the word has gone up about a thousand-fold since giving birth.  However, when it comes to offers from adults, I find it very difficult to say that little word.

Here's the thing though, I like adventure.  Not the jumping off high things or wrastlin' dangerous creatures kind, but the I've-never-done-THAT-before kind.  I like to challenge myself to see if I can.  I like to have one more story to pull out at a dinner party.  And, I will fully admit it, I like that look people get when they utter some of my favorite words, "You did what?"  It's why I make cheese and join show choirs.

So, when I was faced a couple weeks back with two opportunities on the same day, I didn't blink.  I just said, "OK."  It's not everyday that you get offered a chance to present an award at the Upper Midwest Emmy Awards AND appear in a web-based TV show in the same day!  So, I wrote out my schedule, hired a sitter, prepped my family and readied myself as best I could for one of the most random days of my life.

It started with Moms Like Us.  I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business on a Friday afternoon when one of the merchandise coordinators at work came into my cube and asked me to follow him into the studio.  There I met Elizabeth, the creative mind behind Moms Like Us.  She told me about this show she is doing in a talk-show style that would be "by moms for moms".  Each show will include a mom-panel discussing a pertinent issue with an expert in the field.  Elizabeth had just discovered she was one mom short of a full panel and needed a quick replacement.

"Well," I said, already feeling pretentious, "I have Emmys rehearsal at 4, so as long as I'm done by then, I can do it."

"Emmys?"

"yeah."

"We'll have you out of here by 3, is that good?"

"OK, I'm in."

I showed up at noon, and they had already gone through a panel taping for another episode.  The panel I was on was discussing nutrition – a topic I love.  We sat down in the kitchen at the office, made all our introductions and briefly discussed our topic.  The group was amazing!  The moms and the expert that I got to be with were all very nice, easy to talk to and had lots of great advice.  Once the camera men were ready, we all trouped into the studio and made ourselves comfy on a big sectional.  They wired us up with mikes and we talked.  Elizabeth would pose a question, Tracy, the expert, would give an answer and then each of us moms would chime in tips and tricks for things like getting your kids to eat veggies or healthy snacks on-the-go.

Here I am on the panel (this is a cameras off behind-the-scenes moment) :

I really like the concept of the show too.  Besides the panel discussion, there are profiles of "amazing moms" - momtrepreneurs and moms who do cool stuff.  There's also Gramma's Corner to get the perspective of "the older generation."

As soon as the episodes are posted online, I will post direct links, or check back on the link above.  Also, check it out on Facebook.

After taping was over and we had all agreed to meet again to make cheese and drink wine together, I headed downtown to The State Theater for rehearsal of my big Emmy moment.  (This all came about earlier in the week when our president at work was not able to make it.  They looked for a replacement and landed on me.  What the heck?  I'm up for anything!)  I was so excited just to get the opportunity to be backstage at the State!  It was my first experience with a teleprompter, and after 7 runs through because of others' missed video cues, I was ready to go.

Brett was my willing date.  We got dolled up.  Then hit our favorite Indian Restaurant, The Dancing Ganesha, for dinner.  And then, fully stuffed, headed to the theater.  We couldn't stop talking about how surreal it was to be "going to the Emmys."  OK, I know, it's the Upper Midwest Emmys, but still!  We sat in the back of the theater so that I could dash out about an hour in – after my "cue."

I presented with the president of NATSA, and she presented me (OK, my employer) with a community service plaque.

I then spent the next 10 or so minutes on stage with her, introducing two community service winners – one who helped to enact "Hannah's Law" which requires all daycare workers in MN to know CPR and the other who helped a young African boy get surgery to correct his severely crossed eyes.  It was very moving and a really cool experience.

After I left the stage, Brett and I took our leave and went and got some dessert.

"Well, what did you think?"

"It's not the weirdest thing you've gotten us into."

Sometimes saying yes leads to a lot of fun and some really good memories.