Give my regards to...

This weekend I decided to challenge myself - to push myself out of my comfort zone and do something good that had nothing to do with a house or kids or anything serious.  I auditioned for a show choir.

Yep.  That's right.  Jazz hands and grapevines.  The irony here is that I am scared of singing in public.  I shake and sweat and panic, but if I actually do it, I feel this giddy exhilaration when I'm done.  My hope is that I experience more of the latter than the former.

To give you a little background, I grew up singing in church with my parents.  Starting my freshman year in high school, I took private voice lessons and became a member of our elite choir ...run somewhat like a choral army.  I did not have a good relationship with my director...it was a love/hate thing...i.e. he never bothered to learn or use my name.  He just called me Alto.

But, by the time senior year rolled around I had done enough that I was able to audition for a music scholarship at college.  I got a nice amount and didn't have to major in music, so I was happy.  (I was a fine arts major.)  I continued to do small ensembles and solos.  I participated in opera theater and toured with the choir.  But I never got over my fear of performing.  In fact, surrounded by all those amazing musicians, I became even more petrified.  (I have some perfectionism issues.  I will readily admit that.)

So, after college, I stopped singing.  "No more for me!"  Really, in the last 10+ years since I graduated the only times you heard me sing in public were after a few vodka tonics in a karaoke bar... then, watch out, because I'll blow the roof off "FAME!"

Anyway, when Urban was born, I remember this really weird moment the first night we had him by ourselves.  He was crying and crying, and Brett and I had tried everything.  I looked at his little face, and I knew I needed to sing him a lullaby.  It felt so weird.  I hadn't sung for anyone is so long.  But that song turned into long stretches of singing everything from lullabies to broadway to rock ballads - all in the privacy of the nursery, of course.  I sang and sang to calm him down.  Of course, now I sing to Beringer too.  And we sing together in the car.  I am thrilled at both my boys' interests in music.  They love it.  Urban in he wildest, angriest moments, turns to music to calm himself down.  That makes me so happy.

The weird thing is, the more I sing closed up in the nursery late at night, the more I feel the pull to do it again – with and around people.  So, when I saw a sign looking for new members for a female, all ages show choir in the Caribou Coffee near our new house, I considered it.  I brought it up to Brett.  I mentioned it to Mom.  And then, in a fit of insanity, I set up an audition.

And, guess what...  I got in.  I'm equal parts nervous and excited to start rehearsals in August.  I want to meet cool new ladies.  I want to have an activity that is just mine.  I want to show my boys how much fun the arts can be.  And I want to sing.  (That would be the nerve inducing portion.)

So, Noteable Singers of Bloomington, I look forward to being a part of your tenured group.  Thank you for letting me sing again.  (Outside the nursery.)