Experience

This word is interesting to me. Especially recently, I have been ruminating on it’s dual meaning. Experience can either be something physical that happens to you, or the knowledge gained from things that happen to you. Its duality seems to mirror our recent trials with Urban – the physical and the cognitive. We are in the throws of dealing with “asynchronous development.” Never heard of it? Neither had we until recently. It’s a fun little addition to a gifted kid’s personality. It’s what happens when your five-year-old comprehends the world like a 10 or 11-year-old, socializes like an adult but is emotionally still 5 or maybe only 3. Asynchronous.

On Monday, we started a new school. It’s a special school geared toward gifted kids. They enroll children ages 2-3 rd grade and use a combination of Montessori and traditional teaching techniques to challenge and enrich kids who can sometimes fall through the cracks, getmislabeled as “problem” kids or simply aren’t getting their needs met at a traditional school. It’s called Cyprus Academy in Burnsville, MN.

Although the decision to move Urban did not come easy to us, we knew something had to change. He had started up a virtual fallout siren screaming for someone to help him. The hardest part was making the choice to leave a school where we were having such a good experience. The teachers are kind and understanding. They were so willing to help in anyway and only wanted what was best for Urban. It was amazing. With the antics he was pulling, it could have easily been a much different experience.

So, we started Cyprus. The first two days were incredible. I wondered if I had even brought the right child home. He enjoyed telling us about all the things hewas learning and showing us the work he had done. He was interested in reading the new books he was bringing home and he loved the homework. He was clearly challenged, but wanted desperately to succeed. It was a miracle.

Then Wednesday happened, and we thought, “Back to square one.” Urban had not been at school an hour and he had an outburst. I got a call to come pick him up, and I was asked to come in and meet with the teacher after work. I was nervous. I felt like, “here we go again…”

But, then, I was surprised. Very surprised. When Brett and I arrived at the school I expected the tired, dejected faces that generally greet us at these meetings – the “he’s so smart, but we just don’t know how to control him” desperation. But that’s not what we got. We were met by his teacher and the director of the school, and all they said was, “Tell us more about Urban.” That’s all. They wanted to know who he is. Is this normal behavior? What works? What doesn’t?

It was so nice to hear their observations even after only 2 days. They saw immediately that being called out in front of his peers escalates his behaviors. They saw that he embarrasses easily and is very perfectionistic. He doesn’t like to admit he’s done wrong, but he’s very hard on himself when he does. They came up with some ideas for how to give him options for structure within free-play time. (That’s his hardest time. Chaos is not his friend.) And then they said, “How would you feel about us moving him up to elementary?”

…

“Um, yes.” Brett and I were surprised but relieved. Yes, that would probably be good. He’s better with older kids, he needs to be engaged and challenged. I think he would really like it.

They suggested that we take him back to finish the IQ testing that he gave up on a year and a half ago to determine where he really falls on the spectrum. And once they have a better understanding of where he is, they can place him accordingly. All of their classes are arranged by ability and not by age. A revelation.

Suddenly we were talking to people who have a lot of experience dealing with kids just like ours. Kids who can rattle off the planets and their moons and add and subtract before age 5, but who still melt into puddles of hysterical toddler tears when faced with too much stimulation.

Experience. Suddenly the word has so much meaning. And I look forward to an amazing experience with people who have plenty of specialized experience.