We have 11 days until we move in, 10 days until I paint my first wall, 9 days until we gain possession and 8 days until we close. I've packed 32 boxes and have 29 more left empty. I have scheduled the garbage pickup for our "bulk items," posted what wouldn't sell on craigslist to the MN Free Marketplace. The utilities are transferred, the paint is purchased and invitation sent out to friends and family to help with the move.
Now what? Waiting is the hardest part. Just sitting. The plans are done, the tasks are complete (mostly) and now I have to wait. I am forced daily to walk past all the things I want to put into boxes because Brett says we still have to "live" for the next 11 days. Bah. We could get by, right? Box it up! Pack it away! But, no, instead I am forced to reflect. OK, not forced, but it is what I find myself doing a lot.
The interesting thing that I'm learning, is that I can live comfortably with a decreased wardrobe. (Decreased everything, really, there is so much extraneous crap in out lives!) This is a revelation to me. I currently have a teeny closet and no dresser. I have my unmentionables in a milk crate on the floor and the rest of my "wardrobe" taking up less than half of my closet space. And, unlike I would have thought, I am not freaking out. I kept my favorite things, and the rest is in a box. Is this a lesson? I purged vast amounts of clothing a few weeks ago, but should I purge more? Should I do a clean sweep? I get a little giddy each time I open the closet door and see it so empty. What does that say?
To put this in perspective, you have to understand that I am a clothes horse. I have "collected" clothing since I can remember. I am defined, in many ways, by my fashion choices. They are one way people remember me. For many years, I wondered, "Who am I without my wardrobe?"
All of this is changing. For years now, my wardrobe has mainly come from thrift stores and garage sales. How can you purchase new clothes when you don't have a job, are facing foreclosure and filing for bankruptcy? OK, maybe some people can, but I can't. My passion for fashion really lies in the hunt anyway and shopping "new" takes some of the fun out of it for me. I had squirreled away piles of clothing so that I wouldn't have to buy more if my weight fluctuated before and after each of the boys. I re-imagined many a tee shirt or jean into a new dress or handbag. And now, I open my closet door and see 5 shirts, 3 dresses, 2 skirts, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of shorts and 4 pairs of shoes, and I think, "I can live with this." How can that be? I am the queen of change! I can't repeat an outfit within a 14 day window. That's who I am! Right?
Isn't it? Maybe not. Maybe this move is doing more than getting my family into a safe, happy home and neighborhood. More than bringing Mom into our daily lives. Maybe this move is showing me who I REALLY am. Is that possible? I guess we'll find out in 11 days.
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