That's Not Your Mommy Anymore

Greg Mogk, author of That's Not Your Mommy Anymore has taken a very prestigious role in our family of late.  You see, Urban is OBSESSED with all things zombie.  It started with Plants vs. Zombies on the XBox.  It seemed innocuous enough.  Then came Zombie Smash on the iPad.  Then Zombie Dice.  Then a constant stream of zombie talk.  You would be shocked how much my 4-year-old has gleaned about zombie lore on his own.  And one thing Brett and I have always done is to try and immerse ourselves in Urban's interest du jour.

So, since May was Zombie Awareness month, and we are trying to encourage Urban's early reading skills anyway, I decided it was a great idea to get him Mogk's book.  Yep.  Great idea.  We now read it every night.  Every night, AFTER we play a rousing game of dice, that is.  Zombie Dice, of course.  (but, I must say that Urban can add and subtract up to 13 without even thinking about it.)

And now we can no longer just walk to the bathroom to brush teeth, we have to have "slow" races because, "zombies shamble, Mama.  That means slow-walk."  (Thanks, Mogk.)  So we shamble to the bathroom to scrub our zombie choppers and rinse with "brain juice".  (That's mouthwash for you non-zombies.)  We read That's Not Your Mommy Anymore in chorus, and then it's a zombie-back-ride into bed.  Mommy-zombie (that's me) can never quite reach the yummy, tender brains on her back.  They are always just out of reach.  Ah, zombie culture... you have taken over my house!

So, the other day as we were sitting on the couch, Urban was explaining to me how cool math is.  It's a hard sell, I assure you, and he looks at me and says, "You know, Mama, zombies aren't real."

"They're not?"

"No.  They're 'maginary like unicorns and sharks."

"Urban, sharks are real."

"What?  Nooooo... They're just on TV."

"No, they're real.  Don't you remember seeing them at the zoo?"

"Yes.  But those were TV sharks, on the big giant TV.  That one tried to eat us, but he hit the TV screen and went away."

"OK, he didn't try to eat us buddy, he just was interested in looking at us.  And, that was an aquarium, like at the doctor's office, only bigger.  See?"

"Mmm.  Kinda.  So sharks are real?"

"Yes."

"But zombies are 'maginery."

"Yes."

"But giants are real.  Cause they live in the clouds and grow corn and chickens."

"Um..."

"Yeah, really big chickens.  But just one corn."

"Well..."

"Yep.  Giants and sharks are real."

"Sure, buddy, whatever you say."

At least we don't have fears of zombie attack, right?  Although, now I do get nervous when the clouds are super fluffy.  I don't even want to think about what happens to the chicken droppings when the giants clean the coops.