What happened to my body?

It's a lament uttered inwardly (and outwardly) by mothers world-wide.  But, today I'm not talking about the "body" you might think.  I have come to accept that the "body" that was once wrapped in unique finds dug up in boutiques from coast to coast is now swathed in pieces cobbled together from Target and Goodwill.  I embrace (as much as I can) the new bulgy bits and that part right above my c-section scar that still has no feeling.  No, today I'm talking about a whole different kind of body that was also wrecked by the scourge of hormones - my hair.

I have always been a loud and proud "curly girl."  Inherited from my Dad, I have sported ringlets both short and long since my hair grew in at age 2 1/2.  I am not saying I haven't struggled with my hair identity.  I went through periods growing up when I would do anything to get my hair straight, only to walk outside and turn into an ill-groomed poodle.  But it was the day in middle school when I convinced my mom to take me to a hairdresser to get a spiral perm (stop laughing) that changed my life forever.  He wet my hair, scrunched it with his fingers, said "Don't touch it." and then charged us $15.  Voila!  A spiral "perm".

My pre-baby curls:

Then, one day I found out I was pregnant.  I thought, yay!  My hair will grow super fast!  It will be awesome and thick and lustrous.  But, it turned bad almost immediately with a large swath of my hair right in the "mohawk zone" going almost stick straight and the rest staying curly.  Hot.  So, I marched in to see my trusted stylist, Alyson, and said, "Cut it off."

The Short Cut - 'Cash Money':

Now, I have to take a brief aside here, Alyson Boarman is a genius when it comes to cutting, coloring and styling curly hair.  We have been together for 8 years now, and I wouldn't think about seeing anyone else.  Ever.  If ever you are in Minneapolis and need a great style, call the Uptown Hair District and ask for Aly.

Anyway, after I had Urban, I decided to start trying to grow it out again.  I wasn't sure what would happen, but it all seemed to come back exactly how it was before.  Score!  So, for a few years, I just let it grow.

The grow out years:

Then I became pregnant with Beringer.  This time, I did end up with that fast-growing, thick, lustrous hair I imagined...  But nothing could prepare me for the hair disaster that occured when I stopped breast feeding.  It.  Fell.  Out.

Yep.  About HALF of it, I would estimate.  In huge, nasty clumps.  Really?  First my figure and now my hair?  I am defined by my hair!  I am "the girl with the hair!"  (I was actually know as that by the VP of a major big box retailer who I worked for for 5 years.)  I can't lose my hair!  Deep breaths.  It didn't all fall out completely - thank god.  But a lot of it did.

Aly comforted me and trimmed it without taking away all the length, colored it so that the re-growth would blend flawlessly, and told me to be patient and wait.  It's been about a year now, and my hair is growing back.  It's about 6" long or so at this point - the new growth, that is.  But here's the kicker – it's not growing back the way it was.  I used to have these big looping ringlets that were easily straightened and bent to my liking.  They were probably about an inch to an inch-and-a-half in diameter. They were messy and I liked them.

The new hair?  The new hair looks like it was wound around a pencil!  The longer my new hair grows, the shorter it looks.  When my hair is wet it's past my shoulders.  Dry, it's about to my chin!  And body?  Holy crap!  I have always joked that my hair grows "out" not "down", but this is ridiculous!  The hair on top is growing straight up!  Well, I guess I shouldn't say, "straight" about anything pertaining to my fancy new locks, but UP it grows!

The new-age curl:

So, friends, it wasn't just my butt that got fat.  My hair got fat too!  And now I am struggling to find my new hair identity.  I'm scouring websites trying to come to terms with this entirely new texture that my hair has embraced.  How do I style it?  How do I tame it?  And, most importantly, how do I get the old curls to blend with the new?  Right now, when I get out of the shower I look a bit like a jelly fish - all puffy on top and scraggly on the bottom.  Alyson!  September 10th will not come soon enough!  I can't wait to see the magic you are able to conjure to make this heap look passable.  But, I have faith that you will.  You are a master.

And until then...  Many, many pony tails and braids.